A Missed Connection
Is it a blessing or a curse?
I got divorced in 2010 and an old friend moved in as my ex-husband moved out. One afternoon I took the roommate for a ride through downtown Austin to show him the bike route, and we stopped at a coffee shop to hang out for a bit. While locking our bikes up, an extremely attractive silver-fox was unlocking his bike and started making light conversation with us. I remember looking him up and down in the most objectifying way as he rode off. My roommate said something about what a ridiculously good looking man the silver fox was and something about him being gay. I remarked that no gay man would be caught dead near the gay bars wearing the ripped jeans and dirty-ass Vans that this dude was wearing.
We rode home and I immediately wrote a Missed Connection to the Silver Fox on Craigslist.
A week or two later I received an email from a person claiming to be the hot silver fox. I responded with only: What shoes were you wearing?
Rando gave me some bullshit reply, and I knew it wasn’t my missed connection. Sigh. Block. Moving on.
A few weeks later I got another response to my missed connection, so I replied with the same question, and this time the person answered correctly! We corresponded a bit and decided to meet up a few weeks later when he returned from a work trip.
Silver Fox followed through and we met up. He invited me to his house and for some reason I thought it was a good idea. I remember watching him play guitar along with the Pixies, with a VHS of the original Psycho playing in the background. It was a weird scene. Turns out Silver Fox has a slight Xanax addiction, a drinking problem, and many more mental illnesses that made him interesting to observe, and later on, entertaining to fuck.
He lived in this giant apartment from the 50s or 60s in a cool, old part of town, where he chain smoked cigarettes and played guitar.
He had a computer sales job, but the company seemed to change a lot. I believe he used his good looks and quirky personality to his advantage, making him appear far more appealing than he actually was.
Right after our first hang, I had a work dinner at a restaurant near his apartment, and against my better judgement, we had a drink at the bar before the dinner. This wouldn’t have been an issue as we were there a while before the dinner, but we ran into the co-founder who was already drunk and insisted that Sliver Fox join us. For a business dinner that dates weren’t invited to, during a major company acquisition. It’s definitely on the list for reasons why I lost that job three months later. Even though he was “invited” to join by the co-founder.
In the business world it’s called a CLM, or career limiting move.
I was still hanging out with the Silver Fox when New Year’s Eve rolled around and I told him about the NYE party I was planning to attend. He was uninterested and said he’d be having a pizza delivered and watching old movies, but for me to come by after my “little party”.
This was my first NYE as a divorcee, and I thought having a date to a fancy party was something I really wanted, so I invited someone I’d met on Ok Qupid that seemed fun. My Date showed up and a few minutes later the gal at the door came to find me as I had another date show up! I come to the table with my date and the Silver Fox is standing there, “Hey, I’m here!”
Yup. I now have two dates for this fancy New Year’s Eve party. My Date took it in stride and I have two sets of solid photos to help memorialize that night. Oddly enough, with two dates, and flirting with a third person at the party, I had zero kisses at midnight. The entire reason I wanted a date for my first single NYE in 13 years!
Later on I spy Silver Fox flirting with some gal who felt the need to ask me if it was ok. I laughed and said I had enough dates to share, but Silver Fox let her know I was coming home with him at the end of the night. And I did. My Date never spoke to me again and I’m pretty sure I made Legend Status by showing up to a fancy party and having two dates show up. (I only had one plus-1 ticket. Awkward.)
Whatever this was with the Silver Fox went on for a good six months. One Sunday morning, while sitting in his living room he says, “I just worry that you’re going to start liking me.” I look up laughing and say, “ohhh boo, you’re crazy as a bed-bug. This is just fun. Don’t worry.”
Soon after that he started dating someone he’d eventually marry and that was it.
Until a couple of weeks ago.
I got a friend request on instagram from the Silver Fox, who I haven’t spoken to since 2011. I accepted the request because I’m a glutton for punishment and curious of what’s been up.
I noticed he posted the photo I took of him that very first night we hung out at his house and I commented on it.
The other night he sends me a private message with his phone number and asked that I call him. I waited a little while and then called him.
Big fucking mistake.
He’s a bigger mess than he ever imagined being back in 2010. He begged me to come visit him and I was forced to shut that shit down, harshly. I’m not driving to San Antonio to see a wreck of a human that literally never ever knew a fucking thing about me, and I let him know that. Then he overshared that he’s in legal trouble over domestic abuse of a 33 year old woman and I abruptly ended the call.
He blew me up the rest of the weekend and I finally shut it down by stating:
“Nah, I just don’t have the capacity to give a shit or carry on.
You literally never knew a fucking thing about me, and are clearly looking for some kind of validation and I ain’t the one to offer that.
I think you’re a mess and wish you the best. I can’t deal with messes.”
His reply: “Hey I understand and you’re right.”
Proof the past is best left in the past.
WHOA.